Transracial Adoption

I've been reading "Outsiders within" edited by Jane Jeong Trenka, Julia Chinyere Oparah, and Sun Yung Shin, its a book of many stories of children who were adopted transracially from the US or also from different countries. Its very interesting, the most interesting of all the books that I have read so far. Most of the books were written by adoptive parents saying how they think their kids are and feel, when who knows if its accurate fully. But I love to hear the real stories right from the adoptees. The idea of non racism in the home but having to deal with it outside the home. Their adoptive parents denying racism in america, or toning down its influence "here". These are things that I want to hear the stories, to be able to understand and try to help my child to the best of my ability to get through the racism, abandonment, and identity stuff that they will have to face. I will not deny my ignorance, I have been the minority in a room just a handful of times in my whole life. I want my children to feel secure in who they are, where they came from. I want them to know that they were not "rescued" like they were a victim and will have to continue to be one, they have different needs and they will have to go through different things, just like everyone has to but that doesn't make them less. The thing that breaks my heart the most is hearing stories of birthmothers who adopt their children because of poverty, it doesn't seem fair, like we as adoptive parents or prospective adoptive parents instead of trying to help her to get financially stable, we adopt, it seems so selfish. I don't want to be part of that group of child "consumers" as everyone says about america. I feel like I see both the good and the bad of adoption; I hope that is a good thing. I know that all adoptions aren't because of poverty but some are.
Last night we watched the movie "the morgans" or something like that, and Sarah Jessica Parker had applied for adoption without her husband Hugh Grant and had to be takin away by the witness relocation program, and she just had to "call them" to say that she couldn't adopt anymore. With no emotion nothing, it really infuriated me. -Plus China doen't let you adopt if your single! And at the end of the movie they adopt from China, and wow they also got pregnant at the same time they adopted, 6 month later (at least they made her look as if she was 6 mo or more pregnant). All the myths in there, and bad acting. ---Definately don't recommend that movie. -Teisha

Culture

Me and Nick have talked about adopting two children, mainly a girl and a boy perhaps siblings etc. And to adopt at the same time they have to be siblings with the Childrens Home and Family Society. I think about it and perhaps the older child will be 3 or older because the younger is at least a year at the time of referral. This in and of itself makes me want to learn the customs or what daily life is like there to ease the transition of cultures and language.

When I was in YWAM I had a friend MiKyeong who was Korean she was such a nice girl, polite. One thing that I did notice culturally was that girls seemed to stay together more than the American culture, like holding each others arms when walking and talking about things. She told me once (while I was painting my nails red no less) that she thought that red nails were pretty but that she would never do it because in Korea if you wore red nail polish you were thought of as a prostitute. I just want to know those sorts of things before we go, another thing that I learned on a show that when drinking they use both hands out of respect, and also drink away from the person you are with. She also tried to teach us some words, the only one that I remember to this day is Key-ah-wa which means "Cute" this may come in handy when we see our children :)

We also went to a Korean church in New York somewhere, they had the most amazing food, sticky rice and Kimchi stuff YUM!!!!

I'm not saying that I would all of a sudden turn Korean or something (obviously I could never do that). I would just want to not be ignorant of the culture that we will be going into, to respect the people when we are in Korea and understand our children when they come home with us. -Teisha

The Grafted Tree

I was reading in the book today 20 things adoptive parents need to succeed by Sherrie Elderidge, and it talked about adoption like a grafted tree. Ever since last year's state fair, I was fascinated by grafted trees that it was even possible to cut off a part of one tree and basically tape it to a cut piece of another tree and the tree limb that was cut off would grow with the new roots. If you've never heard of grafting look up stephenhayesuk on youtube, he's an old english guy that has a lot of grafting videos and follow ups that are interesting (though long winded :)

Two genetically different trees grafted into one, It's beautiful, yet it also comes with pain. Both the scion (cut tree limb) and the rootstock (already growing tree with roots) need to have been cut for it to work, so they can heal together. Before reading this book I knew adopted kids would intially have pain from loosing their birthparents but I never thought of the adopted parents having pain too. From missing the childs "birth day", missing the first months, not nursing, infertility (for some), not being able to have one's own biological children (for some) etc. I think just being aware of these things will allow us to heal together into a stronger bond when the time comes. I think of our children all of them, like they are already here, wondering how they are, who the birthmother/father are/ will be, what they will look like, what their name will be. -Teisha