Primarily Grateful

It sucks to feel like charity.
To feel as if you do not belong

Like you could almost belong,
if you'd been there all along

If you'd been their's all along

It sucks when you are singled out as an outsider coming in
Because there is one that doesn't look quite like the others.
The one who hasn't always been there
The one who never quite fit into this world, your world.
My world was disorganized and disillusioned.

I didn't have to fix it for You.
I didn't have to be perfect for You.
Because You were perfect

for me.

I am grateful though that you gave your charity.
I sometimes wish that it could have been more anonymous,
but how could it have been

you taught me things I never would have learned and never could have
You changed the course of my life, even though it was never perfect
you helped me feel again.
You showed me what family could be and what a family could never be; Perfect.

Even though where I came from wasn't perfect, I can Change my direction; to focus on what I can do to become my true person not a Victim.

Korean History and Culture (Very Random)

I'm interested in history a lot so recently I have been reading about Korean History. There are not very many books on Korean history at our library, or Asian history in general. One book was on the Korean War and the other was A Concise History on Modern Korea by Michael J. Seth. I was most intrigued by the Chosen/Joseon/Yi dynasty which was from 1392-1910 mostly culture things like the men wearing top knots and civil service exams, the yangban/ the caste system and the Tonghak movement led mostly by peasants against taxes causing the Sino-Japanese War.
I watched a Korean movie that was in the Chosen dynasty right about when the Catholic Missionaries were there and it was really interesting culturally but I'm not going to tell you what it is here because it had some bad scenes in it that I had to fast forward through, it was on instant queue on Netflix.
I also started learning a tiny bit of Korean using the Mango Languages of the Dakota County Library System. The only phrase I can remember well is “Onul Nalshi Jocho” which means “Today the weather is good, isn't it?”
I love the study of Culture, I should become a anthropologist though it isn't worth much in the workforce :) I also spent some time on youtube watching videos on Korean etiquette that I found interesting.

To You, My Little One

On my birthday, I cannot help to think about you, my little one:Not born yet or just being born, just a twinkle in your daddy's eye. I bet your mommy loves you; she's just scared. I've been scared before too. Oh how special you are even amoungst 10-20 babies. You are the one and only you. Don't be scared they will take good care of you there, your foster mother and father will love you like their own. You will get to see your first sights tastes and smells of Korea. I hope that I get to meet them, your foster family and perhaps even talk to them on the internet. I want you to know how many people love you. God will be with you, all the time that I cannot be, I'll be with you as soon as I can. In about a year or too we will meet, Don't be worried. Even though we will talk different, smell different and look different, We love you like your foster family. Love you

POV

Today I watched a movie on PBS's website called In the matter of Cha jung Hee

Watch the full episode. See more POV.

it is really interesting what had happened to her along the way. How the original girl Cha Jung Hee had parents, a father and it was said that they were dead. With Ok Jin or Deann that she had parents (a mother) that was alive, and was actually trying to look for her when she was a teen. Can these sorts of things happen today? I'm guessing probably not as much since the children will have come from the hospital, to a foster care family. The history in this is the most interesting of all I think, of the Korean war and how they were poor as a country at that time, and how Koreans thought of America as "streets paved with gold" as it says in this film. I wonder if that is the thought over there today, that the birthmothers think that everyone over here has lots of money and it would be better for the children here.

Living in the City

Old blog I didn't post from early september or late august

I feel like with this blog I might run out of things to talk about before I actually start taking the adoption education classes. I found out today that they do have a Korean school in Mpls. I want my children to know their heritage and where they came from yet I don't do that with my biological children, though maybe we will, We'd have to do a German, Finnish, French, Ojibway, and Korean School. And I wonder what we'll do because we might go to a Korean festival and half the kids won't be Korean, and if we went to a German one half the kids wouldn't be German. One thing that the book that I'm reading talks about is living in a multicultural or multi-ethnicity place (for example the city) that just to see their parents interact with people of other races makes the kids more accepting of themselves as Korean (or whatever their heritage is). Because if everyone is the same like in the suburbs, (same house) (same kids) (same dog) (same ethnicity) then its harder to be different is what the point is in the book. I don't want my kids to be one place minded, but I also don't want them to be ashamed of where they came from. I a lot of times think that I would love to live in the city.

Last weekend me and Nick went to the Uptown art fair and to get there we had to walk by sustainable apartments (I'm not sure exactly what that meant) if they had solar power, made with recycled materials or what, but I was like “we should live there” of course Nick rolled his eyes. I would love for my kids to be in a multicultural area, but also not where there is murders or drug busts next door (though that can still happen around the suburbs) ---- side note: if you think there is any neighborhood in the twin cities that is multicultural and that is good for kids growing up that is a fun place to live let me know :

Transracial Adoption

I've been reading "Outsiders within" edited by Jane Jeong Trenka, Julia Chinyere Oparah, and Sun Yung Shin, its a book of many stories of children who were adopted transracially from the US or also from different countries. Its very interesting, the most interesting of all the books that I have read so far. Most of the books were written by adoptive parents saying how they think their kids are and feel, when who knows if its accurate fully. But I love to hear the real stories right from the adoptees. The idea of non racism in the home but having to deal with it outside the home. Their adoptive parents denying racism in america, or toning down its influence "here". These are things that I want to hear the stories, to be able to understand and try to help my child to the best of my ability to get through the racism, abandonment, and identity stuff that they will have to face. I will not deny my ignorance, I have been the minority in a room just a handful of times in my whole life. I want my children to feel secure in who they are, where they came from. I want them to know that they were not "rescued" like they were a victim and will have to continue to be one, they have different needs and they will have to go through different things, just like everyone has to but that doesn't make them less. The thing that breaks my heart the most is hearing stories of birthmothers who adopt their children because of poverty, it doesn't seem fair, like we as adoptive parents or prospective adoptive parents instead of trying to help her to get financially stable, we adopt, it seems so selfish. I don't want to be part of that group of child "consumers" as everyone says about america. I feel like I see both the good and the bad of adoption; I hope that is a good thing. I know that all adoptions aren't because of poverty but some are.
Last night we watched the movie "the morgans" or something like that, and Sarah Jessica Parker had applied for adoption without her husband Hugh Grant and had to be takin away by the witness relocation program, and she just had to "call them" to say that she couldn't adopt anymore. With no emotion nothing, it really infuriated me. -Plus China doen't let you adopt if your single! And at the end of the movie they adopt from China, and wow they also got pregnant at the same time they adopted, 6 month later (at least they made her look as if she was 6 mo or more pregnant). All the myths in there, and bad acting. ---Definately don't recommend that movie. -Teisha

Culture

Me and Nick have talked about adopting two children, mainly a girl and a boy perhaps siblings etc. And to adopt at the same time they have to be siblings with the Childrens Home and Family Society. I think about it and perhaps the older child will be 3 or older because the younger is at least a year at the time of referral. This in and of itself makes me want to learn the customs or what daily life is like there to ease the transition of cultures and language.

When I was in YWAM I had a friend MiKyeong who was Korean she was such a nice girl, polite. One thing that I did notice culturally was that girls seemed to stay together more than the American culture, like holding each others arms when walking and talking about things. She told me once (while I was painting my nails red no less) that she thought that red nails were pretty but that she would never do it because in Korea if you wore red nail polish you were thought of as a prostitute. I just want to know those sorts of things before we go, another thing that I learned on a show that when drinking they use both hands out of respect, and also drink away from the person you are with. She also tried to teach us some words, the only one that I remember to this day is Key-ah-wa which means "Cute" this may come in handy when we see our children :)

We also went to a Korean church in New York somewhere, they had the most amazing food, sticky rice and Kimchi stuff YUM!!!!

I'm not saying that I would all of a sudden turn Korean or something (obviously I could never do that). I would just want to not be ignorant of the culture that we will be going into, to respect the people when we are in Korea and understand our children when they come home with us. -Teisha

The Grafted Tree

I was reading in the book today 20 things adoptive parents need to succeed by Sherrie Elderidge, and it talked about adoption like a grafted tree. Ever since last year's state fair, I was fascinated by grafted trees that it was even possible to cut off a part of one tree and basically tape it to a cut piece of another tree and the tree limb that was cut off would grow with the new roots. If you've never heard of grafting look up stephenhayesuk on youtube, he's an old english guy that has a lot of grafting videos and follow ups that are interesting (though long winded :)

Two genetically different trees grafted into one, It's beautiful, yet it also comes with pain. Both the scion (cut tree limb) and the rootstock (already growing tree with roots) need to have been cut for it to work, so they can heal together. Before reading this book I knew adopted kids would intially have pain from loosing their birthparents but I never thought of the adopted parents having pain too. From missing the childs "birth day", missing the first months, not nursing, infertility (for some), not being able to have one's own biological children (for some) etc. I think just being aware of these things will allow us to heal together into a stronger bond when the time comes. I think of our children all of them, like they are already here, wondering how they are, who the birthmother/father are/ will be, what they will look like, what their name will be. -Teisha

Chip-in Account

When we were at the Adoption class in February the lady mentioned this website that anonymous people could donate to you at your Chip-in site. Its linked to Paypal. Here is the website http://spiritofadoption.chipin.com/adoption-homestudyeducation-fees

-Teisha

Orphans

I've been thinking about adoption a lot lately thinking of topics to write about for this blog and I was reminded of a time in Weds night youth group but I think it was actually a Sunday. I went to Cedar Valley church and most days I would drive by myself to church. Most families (or many families) at the church would drive together from the same house to church and many times sit together with their families. But me and my friend Theresa, our families did not go to church or not the same church so we would call ourselves orphans and sometimes sit together with the other families.

Its kind of disconcerting knowing the strength of families when you are alone, at church or wherever. I hope that my adoptive son or daughter doesn't feel like an add on to family like an over thought or a second thought. I want them to know that we chose them, we want them, they were always ment for our family and God knew this too. He made them to be part of their birth family and our family and fit into both. I want them to know everything they want to know and can find out about that family, and to know that we will always be there for them. I hope in the same way the God is for us in Psalms 23.

Lord, I pray for our son and/or daughter, that you be with them when Me and Nick cannot, give them a sense of peace and carry them though this process with us as we wait for them, and they for us. Amen

-Teisha

My first post/ About Us

Hi My name is Teisha Coyour and my husbands name is Nick. We have two biological children Hayli 2, and Kairi 1. That's our 2009 Christmas Photo. The background was a green screen, and the background picture was actually a painting :)

We went to our first "Learn about international adoption" Class in Feb 2010 and we thought that the Korea program would work best for our family. We got to talk to a family who adopted their daughter from Korea, I don't remember all that much from that class but we found out that we would have to wait to adopt until I was 25, which now I am 23. So now is our time to Read books about adoption, fund raise and prepare.

I actually found a really good book that I just started reading and its called "20 things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew" by Sherrie Eldridge. I found it from a link on a website and just had to read it. After I read the first 3 pages on amazon I was already crying. So I'm going to be reading it and probably commenting on how good it was in the near future.
I came up with the name Spirit of Adoption from the bible verse, Romans 8:15 which says " For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"" Which talks about believers as adopted sons and daughters.

We have also started fundraising a little bit with Garage sales, My mom has had two already at her house and we will have one again in August sometime (I don't remember which weekend) but it will be the last one this year. If anyone has any ideas for fundraising (events etc) please message me on Facebook or Comment on the first post -Teisha